The Pink Shirt Files
by Friezaess
Summary: Quatre is shocked to find that the other pilots reckon he's too girly! (who'da thunk? ^_~) Now it's up to them to help everyone's favourite little blonde Arabian get in touch with his masculine side. Chapter 4.2 now up!
1. The Problem With Pink

**THE PINK SHIRT FILES**

AN: I decided to take a break from writing a follow up to "Musings of Shinigami", and write a humour fic whilst waiting for my Angst muse to return. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: *checks her list of stuff she doesn't own* Nope, I don't own Gundam Wing. Damn! 

**Chapter One: The Problem with Pink**

It was a slow day for the five Gundam pilots. They were currently residing in the Winner mansion, and were enjoying some time off. Heero was typing away on his laptop, Wufei was meditating, Duo was playing Dead or Alive' on the Playstation, and Trowa was on the phone with Catherine.

"How are you, Trowa?" His sister asked on the other end of the phone.

""

"That's good. Same here."

""

"Really?"

""

"Wow, sounds like you've been having some pretty interesting battles!"

"!"

All in all, pretty normal stuff. Then there was Quatre- he was passing his time baking chocolate muffins in the kitchen. Dressed in a pink apron and humming Spice Girls tunes, the Arabian opened the oven door to check on how his little treats were baking.

Yummy!' He thought to himself as he caught a whiff of the muffins. He wasn't the only one- the scent drifted through the corridors of the mansion, and caught the attention of a certain overly-hyperactive, hungry young pilot. Duo walked away from his gaming (he never *could* make it past the final level), sniffing the air like a bloodhound. Following his nose, the Shinigami made his way into the kitchen where Quatre was just taking his cooking out of the oven. Duo approached him, and leaned over his shoulder, eyeing the muffins anxiously. 

Quatre turned around to find a very hungry looking Deathscythe pilot behind him.

"No!" He said sternly. 

"Just one?" Came the whiny response.

"Not yet, Duo- these are for supper."

Duo looked at him with big, teary eyes.

"The puppy dog look won't work either." Quatre replied, taking off his oven mitts. "But you can lick the bowl if you-"

Before he could finish his sentence, the braided boy had rushed over to the bowl Quatre had used for mixing the ingredients, and was licking the chocolaty remains. With a slightly grossed-out look on his face, the Sandrock pilot began washing up the rest of the used utensils lying in the sink. Just then, Trowa walked in.

""

"Hey, Trowa!" Quatre greeted. 

"" He replied cheerfully. ", , , ?"

"Of course I can do you a favour. What is it?"

"., ., .., .! . . ."

"HUH?! The ballerina at the Circus has twisted her ankle and you want *me* to fill in?!"

"!"

"But why me?"

" "

"I am not the girliest out of all of us!"

At this remark, Duo just about laughed muffin mixture out his nose. Quatre turned to look at him.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Oh, come on, Quatre!" He replied, licking the chocolate off the tip of his nose. "You're the girliest man I've ever seen! Uh, no offence."

The pilot in question folded his arms across his chest.

"And why is that?"

"Well, for one you're wearing a pink apron."

"What's wrong with that?" Quatre quipped. "It just so happens I *like* pink."

Duo and Trowa sweatdropped.

"Listen, Quatre," the 02 pilot continued, "pink is a *girl's* colour. And it's not just that- you always act so girly."

"How so?"

"Well, you're always so feminine! I mean, come on, drinking tea from those pretty little tea sets? Not drinking alcohol? Not to mention the fact that you're always so prissy."

"But but I pilot a mecha." Quatre replied, trying desperately to defend his ego. "That's pretty masculine, isn't it?"

"It's not enough!" Do replied. "And come on, it's AC 196, there's plenty of girls out there who pilot mechas!"

". " Trowa agreed.

"Weak onnas!" Wufei grumbled as he entered the kitchen to get a glass of water. "Only men should fight, and the women that are fighting are probably lesbians!"

Everyone else sweatdropped. Yep, this was a typical Wufei alright.

"See, Wufei thinks mecha pilots are masculine!" Quatre chirped.

"Yeah, so?" He asked, filling a glass with cold water from the fridge and taking a sip.

"Well," the blonde continued, "that means I'm masculine!"

Wufei choked on his water laughing hysterically. Quatre frowned.

"So you don't think I'm masculine?"

"Hell no!"

The little Arabian hung his head, and slowly left the kitchen. Duo thought for a moment, then got an evil glint in his eye.

"Hey guys, I've got an idea." He said, grabbing a muffin and pulling the other two pilots into a huddle.

"" Trowa said, enthusiastically.

* * *

Quatre sat on the couch in a sombre mood, watching Dawson's Creek' repeats on his big screen TV. 

Am I really that feminine?' He thought to himself. I've always considered myself rather masculine.' The 04 pilot popped another toffee in his mouth as he continued to watch his favourite show. He was interrupted, however, when Duo, Trowa and Wufei entered.

"Quatre, we have a proposition for you." Duo announced. Quatre turned his attention to them, intrigued.

"Being quite masculine ourselves," Wufei said, "we have decided that we would like to help you through this dilemma you are having by giving you a few lessons in being manly."

"Really?" The blonde asked, sounding rather hopeful.

"Really!" Duo replied. "All we ask in return is that you give us full authority of the mansion for one weekend."

Quatre thought about it for a moment. It seemed like a fair enough trade.

"You've got yourself a deal!" He said, shaking each of their hands in recognition. 

"" Trowa said happily. 

~What strange things do Duo, Wufei and Trowa have in mind for Quatre? Will our beloved Sandrock pilot succeed in becoming a macho man? When's Heero gonna get in on the action? And what the Hell is that thing crawling up my leg? The answers to all this and more will be revealed in chapter two OH MY GOD THERE'S A BUG CRAWLING UP MY LEG! GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!! *runs away from her computer screaming*~ Please review!


	2. Does This Make Me Look Fat?

**THE PINK SHIRT FILES**

****

**Chapter Two: Do These Make Me Look Fat?**

10:00 a.m.

The very next day, Quatre's lessons in manliness began. Duo, Trowa and Wufei had Quatre in the lounge room, and were talking to him about what may very well be the biggest step towards masculinity he had ever taken.

"The clothes have *got* to go." Wufei declared. His counterparts nodded in agreement.

"But guys," Quatre protested, "I like these clothes! They're my kind of style! Besides, with twenty-nine sisters running around, I have developed quite a good fashion sense."

"More like fashion NONsense!" Duo laughed. "Look, if you're going for the 1980's AD look, you're on the right track. But this is AC195! You look like variety of flower!" Quatre blushed.

"Look, if you want to become more masculine, you're going to have to follow all our instructions without question." The Shenlong pilot said. "After all, us macho men know what's best!" At that, he, Duo and Trowa struck a pose that looked like it was stolen from either the Ginyu Force or Charlie's Angels.

"Okay, okay." The little Arabian replied. "So what am I gonna wear?"

"You can wear my clothes!" Duo piped.

"Hm." Wufei said, ignoring him completely. "How about one of my gi's?"

"You can wear my clothes!" Duo said again.

"" Trowa replied to Wufei.

"I suppose you're right," came the answer, "it would probably look like a costume on an under-trained weakling like him. Especially walking down the street."

"Hey!" Quatre protested. 

"You can wear my clothes!" The braided boy repeated.

"What about you, Trowa?" Wufei asked.

""

"What do you mean the only other outfits you have are clown suits and hotpants?!"

"^_^;"

"You can wear my clothes!" Duo quipped, standing in front of Quatre. The Sandrock pilot looked past him to Wufei.

"I guess we're out of ideas." He said solemnly. Duo screwed up his face.

"Hey, are you guys even listening to me?!" He said, rather peeved. Wufei sighed.

"Duo, when was the last time you washed your clothes?"

"Wa sh ed?" Came the confused reply. Everyone sweatdropped.

"?" [why don't we try Heero's wardrobe?]

Everyone grimaced.

"Do you think he'd let us?" The Sandrock pilot asked.

"Who says he has to know?" Duo asked, grinning mischievously.

10:23 a.m.

The Gundam pilots, minus Heero of course (who had wandered off to who knows where), crept down the hallway and approached the second door on the right. On the door, a piece of paper with Omae o Korosu!!' written on it was taped.

"There's no mistaking *his* room." Wufei thought aloud, as he softly knocked on the door. When there was no reply, he opened it a crack and peered in. There was no one inside. "Okay, the coast is clear!"

The group walked in, closeing the door behind them. Trowa immediately walked over to the wardrobe and began rummaging around in it, whilst Quatre pondered what would happen to him if Heero found them in his bedroom.

"We shouldn't be in here." He said nervously.

"Relax, Q-man!" Duo said, as he helped Trowa in his search for some decent attire. "He'll never even know we were here." When the two emerged from the wardrobe, they each held an article of clothing consisting of – that's right- a loose, army green tank top, and spandex shorts that looked like they had shrunk in the wash.

"Put these on!" The braided pilot said, as the clothes were tossed at their pupil. He gulped, before going into the adjoining bathroom to change. 

"I hope these things fit." He said, as he started taking off his usual clothes.

"Oh, and don't forget," Wufei said from the other side of the door, "you can't wear underwear underneath those shorts."

"WHAT?!" Quatre shrieked.

"Wufei's right." Duo added. "Those things are so tight you can see the outline of your undies if you wear em."

"" [Pantylines aren't a good look. You're going commando style, pal.] Trowa commented.

"But but" The blonde whimpered, " they're so tight! And Heero's been wearing them without and if I wore them without gross!"

"Be a man, Quatre!" Wufei encouraged. Reluctantly, the little Arabian obliged.

10:40 a.m.

"?!" [What's taking you so long?!] Trowa yelled. It had been ten minutes, and Quatre still had not emerged form the bathroom.

"I think these things are a little tight." Came the reply.

"They're spandex, they're supposed to be like that!" Wufei snapped. "Now get out here!" Slowly, the doorknob to the bathroom turned. Quatre poked his head around the door and, urged on by his companions, walked out into the bedroom. He felt kind of proud of himself in his new attire, even if it was a little tight. After all- he was a *man* now!

"How do I look?" He asked his fellow pilots, hands on his hips. For a second, no one said anything- just looked at him with wide eyes. Then, Duo cracked up laughing, which triggered off the other two pilots. The three collapsed in a heap laughing, tears in their eyes, and pointing at their friend.

"What?" The confused blonde asked.

"Quatre you BWAHAHAHA!!!" Duo said, failing to complete his sentence because he was laughing so hard. Trowa tried desperately to contain himself, but every time he looked at Quatre, ended up howling with laughter even more. Even Wufei, the most serious of the group, took some time to regain his composure.

"Quatre," he giggled, pointing "I think you were right about those pants being a little tight on you."

The aforementioned pilot looked down at where Wufei was pointing, and realised what the other pilots were laughing at- apparently, he was a couple of sizes up from Heero. In other words, the pants were so tight on him, his ahem lumpy bits' were just about bulging out of the spandex. 

Blushing furiously, Quatre turned around as to hide his shame, only to hear another roar of laughter from his friends as they laid eyes upon the biggest wedgie they'd ever seen in their entire lives.

"Kodak moment!" Duo shouted, wishing he had a camera. Blushing furiously, Quatre tried to run back into the bathroom, but tripped as he did so, landing right in the doorway- where a rather angry looking, spandex clad perfect soldier had been standing for the last few moments. The other pilots had been either too busy laughing or trying to hide to notice.

"What do you think you're doing?" Heero asked, or rather growled. His voice reached the ears of the other three pilots, who immediately stopped laughing and stood to attention. Quatre looked from Heero, to them, and back to Heero.

"I I was just they said" Quatre stuttered. Duo stifled a giggled, but was silenced by one of Heero's deathglares®.

"Out." The perfect soldier hissed. "We'll discuss this when you cover up a bit."

The four pilots were out like a flash, leaving Heero both angry and confused.

"Omae o korosu."

11:00a.m.

Quatre had immediately changed back into his normal clothes, and was now on his way to the local shopping centre with the other three boys. If they couldn't find any decent clothes at home, they'd have to go out and buy some- with Quatre's money, of course. The four piled into the car, Wufei in the passenger side front seat, Duo behind him, Quatre next to Duo and, despite Duo's pleas, Trowa in the driver's seat. They pulled out of the driveway, and started on their way.

"But he drives like an old lady!" The Shinigami complained from the back seat, as Trowa calmly drove at the set speed limit for the area.

"" [You're only saying that because I don't drive above a hundred and seventy k's per hour!] came the miffed reply. Duo grumbled to himself for a moment, but was soon sidetracked by Wufei's ponytail in front of him, which was swaying as the car went over a couple of bumps. Discretely, the wide-eyed warrior set to work upon it

11:35 a.m.

After finally managing to find a park, the group of pilots marched into the shopping centre and towards the clothes stores. Duo descended upon a clothes rack, and held up a black t-shirt.

"What about this?" He asked, as the rest of the group started looking through the selection.

"Are you kidding?" Wufei said, irritated (and not yet realising that *someone* had braided his hair in the car ^_~). "Quatre would look *much* better in something like this!" He produced a white, clingy shirt with a navy blue dragon design down the side.

"?!" [Have you men no sense of style?!] Trowa snapped back, holding up a yellow shirt with purple polka dots. Soon, a fully fledged argument broke out between the trio, and none of them noticed when Quatre picked up a dark blue shirt and a pair of jeans, and went up to the counter to purchase them.

"Excuse me!" A security officer said to the group, which was now brawling on the floor. They looked up.

"Uh sorry officer." Duo gacked from Wufei's headlock.

"" Trowa added apologetically, from under Duo and Wufei. Luckily for them, it was at that moment that Quatre walked out of the store. He apologised to the security officer, and gathered everyone up for the trek back to the car.

"So what did you end up buying, anyway?" Wufei asked. Quatre reached into his shopping bag, and proudly displayed the clothes he had picked out. Wufei was little disappointed that it was lacking some Chinese symbols, but still, nodded approvingly.

"Not bad for your first try!" Duo added.

"" [I still think the clown pants looked better]

12:30p.m.

The boys pulled up in the driveway, rather unnerved after listening to Duo's multiple renditions of This is the Song That Doesn't End' the entire way back, and Quatre went into his room to get changed. 

"Do you think Heero's still here?" Duo asked as they waited for their counterpart in the lounge room.

"Probably." Wufei replied. "He's probably really pissed that Quatre stretched his clothes, too."

"He should be grateful we wanted to dress Quatre like him!" Came the reply. "After all, imitation's the best form of flattery!"

The other two pilots groaned, just as the suicide-prone pilot walked up to them.

"So, that's the story, is it?" He asked them. Duo gulped.

"Well, it was just that he needed some manly clothes, and, and-"

Heero put a hand up to silence him.

* * *

12:45p.m.

"How do I look?" Quatre asked as he walked into the lounge room, clad in his new outfit- only to find that his three mentors weren't there. Looking around, he thought he heard noises coming from Heero's bedroom. Though somewhat reluctant to enter it after what happened last time, he found that the door was half-open anyway, and decided to take a peek. Inside, the floor and furniture was covered with a plastic sheet, and Trowa, Duo and Wufei were busy with brushes and tins of light blue paint.

"What are you guys doing?" Quatre asked, bewildered.

"Heero said we have to paint his entire room as punishment for trespassing." Duo groaned, his arm feeling like it was going to fall off from all the painting he'd done.

"Oh" The Arabian replied, as he watched Trowa collapse unconscious on the floor from the fumes. "Well, have fun!" And with that, he skipped off to make himself a sandwich- all that shopping had made him hungry.

As the three convicted pilots continued with their chore, Wufei felt different for some odd reason. He ran a hand through his hair and grimaced.

"Since when do I have a braid in my MAXWELL!!"

_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~

~Hee hee, finished another (LONG) chapter ^_^ ! Now that our little blonde friend is good in the clothing dept., what will be his next challenge? Will Duo *ever* learn his lesson? And wouldn't Heero's bedroom look much better in fuchsia? Stay tuned! And don't forget to review! (Oh, and in case you're wondering, yeah I stole that "You look like a variety of flower!" line from DBZ ^_^; I just thought it was cute!)~


	3. Hit Me, Baby, One More Time!

**THE PINK SHIRT FILES**

****

**Chapter Three: Hit Me, Baby, One More Time!**

AN: Wow, this chapter ended up really long! Well, enjoy!

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Day Two.

9:45 a.m.

"Let's see, Sally, Noin, Zechs, Relena" Duo furrowed his brow, grabbed an eraser, and rubbed out the name he'd just written. "On second thoughts, maybe I'll just invite her brother- I don't want the police to be attracted when gunshots are reported." Looking over the long list of names he had written (which was basically just about everyone and anyone any of the pilots had ever come into contact with), the Shinigami went to the phone and started ringing the invitees.

"Hello, Dorothy? We're having a big-ass party this weekend at Quatre's house"

Elsewhere in the mansion, Quatre was still asleep, as was noted by Wufei and Trowa. Deciding that was time for the snoozing soldier to awaken, the two quietly made their way to his room. Trowa knocked on the door, but received no reply save for the sound of quiet snoring.

"We're going in." Wufei said, quietly turning the doorknob and entering. Inside the master bedroom, Quatre was buried underneath a pile of expensive looking blankets, dreaming away in his plush, four-post bed. If it weren't for his platinum blonde hair showing from underneath the blankets, Trowa and Wufei wouldn't know he was there at all. Wufei approached the queen-sized bed, and pulled back the covers in one swift movement, revealing a boxer-clad, matted-haired young Arabian. His mouth was wide open (complete with a tongue dangling out), and there was a steady stream of drool running from the corner of his mouth. The 04 and 05 pilots couldn't help but cringe a little at the sight before them.

"?" (How are we going to wake him up?) Trowa asked.

"Well," Wufei replied, "I was just going to put my hands over his mouth and nose to cut off his air supply but I don't want to get my hands near all that slobber! He looks like that dog out of Turner and Hooch'!"

Quatre stirred, and turned over in his sleep, completely oblivious to the fact that his boxers were really riding up. He continued to dream uninterrupted for a little while longer

~

_Quatre skipped merrily along a long, winding road. The sky was a lovely shade of pink, and off to one side was a pair of camels drinking tea._

_"Tra la la la la!" He sung happily, as he continued skipping along until he ran into_

_"Hi Quatre!"_

_The blonde boy looked at Noin, rather dumbfounded._

_"Uh Miss Noin?"_

_"Yes?"_

_" Why are you naked?"_

_She shrugged._

_"I don't know. This is your dream."_

_"Oh no this isn't one of THOSE dreams is it?" The 04 pilot asked, fearfully._

_"I hope not," came the reply, "because if it is, I am *so* never eating Zechs's chilli before I go to bed ever again!"_

_For a while, Noin looked around at the scenery whilst Quatre looked away, blushing._

_"Oh, I almost forgot," the dark haired lady said, "the reason I'm here is because I'm representing your feminine side."_

_"HUH?!" Quatre asked, looking rather shocked._

_"I'm here to give you a message from your feminine side." She answered back. "I have something very important to tell you about this transition you are currently undergoing, with help from Duo, Wufei and Trowa. There is something you must know."_

_"Well what is it?" Quatre questioned, rather eager to hear what she had to say. Noin continued, but her voice became inaudible. Quatre strained to hear what seemed to be an imperative message, but no sound he heard, until his own voice yelled out_

_"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"_

_~_

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Quatre bolted upright from his dream, drenched in icy cold water. To the side, he saw Wufei and Trowa, the latter standing with an empty bucket of water.

"Nice to see you're awake." Wufei commented. "It's almost ten a.m.!"

"The dream!" Quatre said, remembering the urgency of Noin's ethereal message. "Now I'll never know what my naked Noin feminine side was going to tell me!" The little Arabian ran a panicked hand through his hair, before realising the odd expression his friends were giving him.

" ?" (Naked Noin?)

"Uh never mind." Quatre said, blushing. The odd gazes he was receiving lingered. "I think I'll just go get changed now." The blonde rushed into the adjoining bathroom and slammed the door, grabbing the clothes he had brought the other day. He looked down for a moment.

_"Phew at least it wasn't one of THOSE dreams!"_ He thought, as he got changed.

"" (Maybe we should have just yelled at him to get up.) 

"Well, what fun would that have been?" Wufei replied, smirking.

"" (You're starting to sound just like Duo.)

"What?!" Came the panicked response. "Oh great- Maxwell's CONTAGIOUS!"

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10:10 a.m.

Trowa, Wufei and Quatre had gathered on the lawn outside of the latter's mansion.

"Where's Duo?" Quatre asked. The others shrugged.

"We needn't worry about that weakling now." Wufei stated. "Today, we are going to work on the area that only I am fit to teach- fighting."

"HUH?!" The little Arabian gaped.

"One is not fit to call themselves a man until they can at least throw a decent punch. You must learn to be tough instead of the tea-sipping priss I see before me!" Wufei continued, ignoring the dejected look on poor little Quatre's face. "After all, we are the stronger sex! We must know how to fight!"

"But can't we just talk things out?" Came the weary reply. "It's not nice to hurt people."

The Chinaman rolled his eyes.

"If you were in a back alley at night time and some hoodlum came looking to take your wallet, do you think he'd want to sit down and talk things over calmly?"

" Maybe if I made him some tea?"

Wufei sweatdropped. Off to the side, Trowa looked on, amused by the situation.

"Alright, first I must assess your current fighting ability." The martial arts expert told his newest apprentice. "Hit me with your best shot."

"WHAT?!" Quatre squealed. "I'm not going to hit you!"

"You have to!" Wufei quipped back. "Pretend I'm the one who painted George pink and put a bikini on him!"

Quatre thought back to when he had found George- his favourite camel- in such a state. Immediately, he pictured the boy in front of him with a long, brown braid, and punched him right in the gut- once, twice, three times! Wufei stood there idly, checking his watch as the blonde continued to pound into him. Ten minutes later, Quatre fell to the ground, exhausted.

"Pathetic." Wufei muttered. "We're really going to have to work on those fighting abilities." Quatre crawled over to a nearby outdoor table, grabbed the bottle of water that was on it, and skulled.

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"Miss Noin? Oh I'm great thanks, how are you?" Duo fiddled with the cord on the telephone, up to guest one-hundred-and-something on his list of invitees. "So anyway, we're having a party this weekend at Quatre's mansion how did we get him to agree to that? Well, let's just say we've got a little bargain going. Yep, it goes from three p.m. on Saturday til whenever. And bring Zechs, too. Alright, we'll see you there then! Sorry, what was that? Zechs did WHAT?! Yikes! Well, I s'pose that's what you get when you leave him alone with the Internet and yes, I *know* that's no excuse for him to sell naked pictures of himself on eBay, but hey, at least it was just to private collectors! I mean, just imagine if someone from a hentai magazine brought " As if to emphasise his point, Duo looked down at the nudey magazine he was holding. His eyes went wide as he laid eyes upon the familiar figure on the cover, who was wearing a mask "Uh look, I gotta go now. See you on Saturday!" *click*

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11:00 a.m.

Elsewhere, Quatre had recovered, and was now following Wufei in doing forms. He mimicked the 05 pilot's actions, raising one hand and striking out, followed by raising his left leg and kicking. At least, that was how it was supposed to go. The poor blonde boy struggled to keep his balance whilst kicking, but to no avail. For the eighth time in a row (which was also the number of times he had attempted the manoeuvre), he fell flat on his backside. Wufei face-faulted.

"Ugh this isn't getting us anywhere." He said in annoyance. "Trowa! Bring out the punching bag!"

Trowa nodded, and went into the house to fetch the equipment. Soon, he returned, dragging a heavy, sand-filled nylon bag.

"!" He said, struggling.

"Pathetic." Wufei grumbled. "A mere one hundred kilograms and he can't lift it. I'm beginning to think you BOTH need toughening up!"

The two in question exchanged worried glances. With help from Wufei, the punching bag was tied to an overhanging tree branch, and hung at an appropriate height for Quatre. 

"Now," Wufei instructed, "keep punching this until I feel you are at an appropriate level of fighting."

"How long will that take?" His apprentice asked. Wufei shrugged.

"Normal people usually take up to about twenty minutes."

"?" (And Quatre?) Trowa asked.

"Hm we'll check back in a couple of hours." With that, Trowa and Wufei walked off to get a sandwich, waving goodbye over their shoulder.

"Aw, man." Quatre groaned, as he started punching away at the bag.

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" And so then I said, Why would *I* put gummy bears into your gun's bullet chamber, Heero? But on the bright side, the next time you chase me around with it, instead of yelling Eat lead!' you can yell Eat yummy chewy confectionary treats!' It was so funny! Heh heh, yeah, okay I'll see you on Saturday then, Dr. J! Okay, bye!" Duo hung up the phone and crossed another name off his list of people to call. He was almost halfway there, and already, everyone who he had invited was coming.

"You'll see who on Saturday, Duo?" Wufei asked as he entered the lounge room (sandwich in hand), from which Duo was using the phone.

"Oh, I'm just ringing up guests for the big party we're having on the weekend."

"We're having a party?" Wufei asked. "Since when?"

"Since Quatre gave us free reign of his mansion this weekend, REMEMBER?" 

"Maxwell, you idiot!" Wufei growled. "We don't get dibs on the mansion until AFTER we've turned him into a man! That could take weeks! Months! Years! Lifetimes even!"

Duo grinned and sweatdropped.

"Uh, heh heh I never thought of that. But I've called too many people to cancel the party. That is, unless we want a gang of angry, trigger-happy associates who are pissed off at us for filling up their weekend and cancelling at the last minute."

"Great." Wufei grimaced. "Just great. The Braided Baka does it again. You know, I think you'd be smarter if I just cut open your skull and removed your brain altogether!"

"Hey, chill out, Wu-man!" The 02 pilot rebutted. "It's only Tuesday, which means we've still got all of today, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday to get him into shape."

"That's only four days, Maxwell."

"Oh yeah well, I'm sure you can handle it. I'm going to invite some more people." And with that, the Braided Wonder resumed phoning the guests to the party. Wufei glared, plans of vengence forming in his mind...

_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*_~*~_~*~_

12:04 p.m.

Trowa sat in the recreational room, lounging back on a leather chair with his book. As he flipped through its pages, Heero walked into the room.

"Why is Wufei sharpening his katanas?" He asked. "I thought he did that yesterday."

Trowa shrugged.

"He wouldn't be sharpening them again unless he was going to use them." The perfect soldier added.

"?"

"I don't think he'd used his prized possessions to make a salad, Trowa."

" ///.^; "

_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*_~*~_~*~_

3:15 p.m.

For the last few hours, little had changed throughout the mansion. Duo continued making phone calls to people on his guest list, Trowa had emersed himself in The Idiot's Guide To Socialising', Wufei had been muttering something about how lazy Duo was whilst sharpening his katanas, and Heero was going through his e-mail. As for Quatre

"Must keep going" he chanted, as he continued to punch into the punching bag. "This will make me stronger and more manly! Must keep going until Wufei says I can stop *pant, pant*!"

_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*_~*~_~*~_

6:45 p.m.

Duo sighed and put down the receiver for the last time- everyone on his long list of invitees had been invited, and all said that they would be attending.

"Man, that was some hard work!" He commented, getting up off the lounge seat he had been sitting on for the past six or so hours. "Ah well, at least it beats what Wu, Trowa and Quatre were doing. I'm just not in the mood for physical exertion today."

"Lazy, impotent weakling!" Wufei said from behind the braided boy, brandishing his katana.

"Hey Wu-Wu!" Duo greeted happily, though wary of the sword that was pointed in his direction. "How's it going?"

"Listen, Maxwell," the Chinaman growled, "you've *really* been getting on my nerves today. Not only do you go and make arrangements for a party when we don't even know if we'll finish our task with Quatre by this weekend, but you offer absolutely no help whatsoever in training him!"

"Aw c'mon Wuffles! I'm sure we'll have everything done by this weekend."

"Indeed we will." Came the reply. "Because seeing that I spent all day training that weakling whilst you did jack, YOU'RE going to train him all by yourself tomorrow! And you'll make sure he'll be ready in time for the weekend!"

Duo's eyes widened.

"But Wu-"

"But nothing! You will make up for your sloth-like ways. And just to show you I'm serious" Wufei approached his friend', lifted a single hair from one of his bangs, and sliced it off with his katana.

"MY HAIR!!!" Came the anguished response, as he grabbed the thin strand from between Wufei's thumb and forefinger. "You cut out one of my hairs! How could you!" Wufei rolled his eyes, as the braided boy attempted to stick the hair back into place using saliva.

It was at this moment that Heero (who had managed to somehow tear himself away from cyberspace) entered the room. He looked out a nearby window, and saw Quatre, still punching away in the yard.

"Why is Quatre attacking that poor defenceless punching bag?" He asked, watching as the bag swung around with the force of one of the Arabian's punches, only to come back and hit him in the face. Wufei's eyes went wide.

"Oh my God! I forgot he was still out there!" He quickly made tracks, and was soon by the side of a very exhausted, flushed Quatre, who was standing in a deep puddle of his own sweat.

"You can stop now, Quatre!" Wufei hastily instructed.

"Yaaaay- *ugh*!" Came the reply, as the boy fell to the ground in exhaustion. For a while, he just laid there, motionless. Trowa, Heero and Duo were quick to arrive on the scene.

"Is he dead?" Heero questioned. Trowa picked up a stick and prodded the fallen boy with it.

"No way am I giving him mouth to mouth!" Duo commented, backing away a bit.

"Hmph." Wufei grunted. "Looks like he still needs some toughening up. Maybe later this week I'll set up the punching bag again, and he can go a good few hours with it."

At that statement, Quatre's eyes popped open. He immediately got to his feet, and slugged Wufei in the jaw, sending him reeling back onto the ground.

"Never never again!" The blonde laughed, the same way he had when he'd experienced the Zero System. 

"I have completed my task Quatre is now tough." Wufei commented, before passing out on the lawn. Quatre was soon to follow, still exhausted from his sparring.

"Well guys, have fun dragging them inside!" Duo said, as he started off back to the house.

"I don't think so." Heero replied, stepping in his path. "I have work to do on my laptop, and Trowa has to do some repairs on the Gundams."

"?!!" Trowa gaped, peeved that the rest of the night would be filled with chores.

"That leaves you." The perfect soldier continued over his shoulder, as he headed back to the house. "Have fun!"

"But but grrr!" The American grumbled as he watched both soldiers go off in separate directions. "Great. Why do *I* always have to do everything around here?!"

_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*_~*~_~*~_

~What does Duo have in store for his day training Quatre in the fine art of masculinity? Will Noin have clothes on when next we encounter her? And what does any of this have to do with purple bananas? Find out in Chapter Four of The Pink Shirt Files'! And don't forget to review ^.^ *hugs to everyone who already had :D* ~


	4. Chapter 4.1- Beware The Purple Banana

**THE PINK SHIRT FILES**

**CHAPTER FOUR: PART ONE- BEWARE THE PURPLE BANANA**

AN: Okay, so here's the deal- I haven't updated this story for soooooo long (gomen!), but it'll take me a bit longer to get this chapter done. So here's the first half! Also *waves her GW calendar about frantically, pointing to the date 1st of May* it's my birthday today! Suh-weet seventeen, peoples! Unfortunately I didn't get a naked Duo coming out of my birthday cake, but hey, better luck next year ^_~ 

Now, on with Chapter Four- part one!

Day 3

10:00 a.m.

The Dragon warrior stared at the obstacle course that lay ahead of him and shuddered. How could anything possibly survive in these conditions? Taking a deep breath (of somewhat stale air), he set foot inside the room right onto a rather sharp and pointy keyring of Deathscythe. Yelping, he made sure to take greater precautions as he continued through the cluttered room, sidestepping mangas, models, and unidentifiable pieces of unfinished lunches (among things) as he did so. He approached the bed in the corner.

"Alright Maxwell, get up!" Wufei (nursing a rather stiff jaw) ordered to the braided lump that was still curled up under the covers. His only reply was a pained groan. "Hurry up! It's your turn to deal with Quatre today."

"Fei-Fei? Is that you?" Duo moaned, snuggling further underneath his thick, woollen blanket.

"Of course it is, baka, and I order you to get up!" With those words, Wufei proceeded to pull the covers off the snoozing Shinigami, and attempted to pull him out of bed by the hair in the process.

"Hey! Leggo!" The Deathscythe pilot whined as he half-heartedly tried to free his braid from his opponent's firm grasp. "I can't help with Quatre today I feel sick."

"Yeah right." Wufei huffed. "Like that time you supposedly came down with pneumonia right before our last mission?"

"What about it?"

"Duo, we came home to find you having a pool party with the Maganacs."

Duo sweatdropped.

"Uh well that was different. This time I really am sick! It was the purple banana!"

Wufei raised an eyebrow, still gripping his friend's braid.

"What in Nataku's name are you talking about, Maxwell?"

"Well, it all happened last night when I was going for a midnight snack"

*flashback*

Duo crept into the kitchen and flicked the light on, automatically heading in the direction of the fridge. Still half asleep, he opened it, leaning on the door, and peered inside.

"Aw man, out of pocky." He grumbled, eyeing the contents of the fridge. He finally came upon a banana a somewhat fuzzy, odd coloured banana. Purple, actually. Duo pulled it out of the refrigerator and looked it over. "Ooo, freaky banana! It must be one of those genetically engineered ones that tastes like chocolate!" With that, he shoved the entire piece of fruit in his mouth and scoffed it down, smacking his lips. "Hm, not bad. Doesn't taste like chocolate though oh man, all of a sudden I don't feel so good." The 02 pilot headed back to his quarters, head swimming all the while, and passed out on his bed.

*end flashback*

"and now this morning I'm feeling even worse." Duo concluded.

"Did you ever consider that the banana was purple and fuzzy because it was mouldy?" Wufei asked, keeping his cool.

"MOULDY?!" The braided pilot grimaced. "I ate a mouldy banana? That's disgusting! That's gross! That's uh oh"

"Maxwell? You're not looking too well you're not gonna"

Trowa and Quatre were making their way to Duo's bedroom to see what was taking so long, when they heard a loud retching, followed by

"MAXWELL!!! I just washed this shirt!!"

"Sorry, Wu-Wu man, that banana tasted even worse second time round."

"Uh, maybe we should just wait for them in the living room." Quatre suggested.

"" his companion agreed, as they headed back the way they came.

10:45 a.m.

After a trip to the laundry, Wufei walked into the living room wearing a fresh singlet, and addressed the two pilots who were currently engaged in a riveting thumb-war.

"Alright, we have a bit of a setback." He informed them, as they each withdrew their thumbs. "Duo's not feeling well, as he made overly obvious to me, so we're going to have to make a few changes in today's classes'."

"Please, don't make me face the punching bag again!" Quatre pleaded, a cold chill running down his spine.

"No, I think you've had enough of that." Wufei replied, protectively raising a hand to his jaw. "Perhaps we should work on your mannerisms. What do you think, Trowa?"

""

"Good! Then we shall start right now."

11:09 a.m. 

The three pilots walked down the corridors of Quatre's mansion to the dining room for morning tea.

"Uh, Wufei?" Quatre asked. "What exactly do you mean by working on my mannerisms'?"

"We need to devoid you of this somewhat pansy air about you." The Shenlong pilot replied, gesturing to the dining room they had just reached. "And we're going to start right here." Each pilot took a seat at the long, long, LONG table, with Wufei and Quatre at either end, and Trowa in the middle. At least that's what Wufei assumed the seating arrangements were- Quatre was just a mere spot on the horizon.

"Alright." He began, as everyone was served (the servants using a modified ride-on lawnmower to cover the vast distances between each person).

"WHAT?!" Quatre called, Wufei's voice too far away for him to hear.

"I SAID ALRIGHT'!" Came the frustrated reply.

"DID YOU SAY, ALL NIGHT?" The blonde called back. "WHAT HAPPENED ALL NIGHT? DID HEERO SLEEP WALK INTO WING ZERO AND GO ON A KILLING SPREE AGAIN?!"

" .!!!!!" (NO, LAST NIGHT HE WAS BUSY WITH HIS KARAOKE!) Trowa screeched as loud as he could.

Elsewhere

Heero stood in front of a full-length mirror, singing into his hairbrush.

"Oooooore dake no kooooootoba de"

"Heero sama!" One of the Maganacs complained, sticking his head in the door. "Can you please keep it down? We can hear you out in the garage and it's really quite distracting!"

" hn. Mission accepted." Disgruntled, the Wing Zero pilot left his room to go into the lounge room and watch the How To Put A Bullet In Your Enemy's Head Without Splattering Blood On Your Spandex And Other Helpful Hints' on cable.

Whilst all this was going on, a certain 02 pilot was confronted with the most horrific feeling known to hyperactive teenagers everywhere...

"I'm bored." Duo muttered to himself, flipping over in bed. As he did, he just happened to catch a glimpse of a brightly coloured package underneath the pile of old mangas next to his bed (not to mention several layers of dust). 

"What's this?" He picked it up, and started unwrapping it (not noticing the attached card that said Happy 13th Birthday Duo, From Prof. G'), and discovered an interesting little mechanism inside: it was a sort of car, with all sorts of different attachments- kind of like a Swiss army knife on wheels. It looked as though it was controlled by the remote that was included in the parcel. Curious, Duo, played around with the buttons on the remote control, succeeding in making the little vehicle go backwards, forwards, and into a few walls, leaving a rather obvious dent. 

Unfazed, Duo pushed a different button, which activated a claw-like grabbing mechanism. 

"Ah, so the little guy's got hands, huh?" It was then that an idea hit him. Grinning, the Shinigami manoeuvred the mechanism out of his room and down the hall, headed for Heero's bedroom

11:35 a.m.

After relocating themselves so that they were all sitting next to each other (it had taken them quite a while just to walk to the middle of he table), Trowa, Quatre and Wufei, in that order, began to dine. Well, Quatre did- the other two stared at him like hungry ferrets, just waiting to pick his mannerisms to pieces. Nervously, Quatre picked up his teacup, and was about to take a sip when

"Tea?!" Wufei gaped. "A real man does NOT drink tea, especially out of little floral teacups like that!"

"Well, what do you suggest?" Quatre asked.

"" Trowa replied, pulling a flask out of his pocket.

"Since when do you carry booze around, Trowa?" The Shenlong pilot questioned.

"" (Since Cathy started using me in her knife-throwing act.)

"Oh."

"Hey!" The Arab interrupted. "I am NOT drinking that stuff! You know how I feel about alcohol!"

"Oh, come on!" Wufei said, tolling his eyes. "If you want to be a _real_ man you have to learn how to hold your liquor!"

"But-"

"DRINK IT!!"

Nervously, the blonde took the chrome silver canister from his unibanged friend, and unscrewed the cap. The strong scent of alcohol permeated from it, and he scrunched his nose up at the scent. Closing his eyes, Quatre lifted the flask to his lips and took a swig, coughing violently as it burned his throat.

"?" (Good, ne?) Trowa commented.

"Have some more!" Urged Wufei , despite his student's pained looks. Reluctantly, Quatre took another swig and another, and another

"" (Wow, lookit him go!) The 03 pilot gaped, his visible eye widened. It wasn't long before a psychotic giggling (think Zero System) emitted from the liquor-laden boy.

"Trowa, how much alcohol is in that?" The 05 pilot asked.

"" (98%)

" We're in trouble."

_~*~_

"Heeeeeeeerooooooo!" Duo called from his bed. When he received to reply, he called out again. "HEEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOO!!!!" He then heard footsteps hurriedly approaching, before his bedroom door was opened, revealing an action-ready Heero with his gun drawn.

"What is it? Has OZ tracked us down?" He asked, scanning the room for intruders.

"No," came the ill-sounding reply, "I was just wondering if you could get me an aspirin."

Heero glared.

"You've got to be kidding me."

"Pleeeeeease, Hee-chan? I feel too sick to get it myself."

"Why don't you get one of the servants to get it?"

" Cos you're more fun to mess with." The braided boy replied, grinning. With a disgruntled sigh, Heero walked into the ensuit (which would have taken Duo a whole five second), and returned with the requested medication.

"Consider yourself lucky." He said, handing it to his comrade, before turning to leave and get back to his (rather sadistic) television programmes.

"Oh, and Heero?"

"What?"

"Can you bring one of the TV's up from downstairs? I'm bored."

"No way! I'm not your slave, Duo!"

"Oh, really?" The sickly Shinigami snickered, as he reached under his bed and

"How in the Hell did you get that?!!" The perfect soldier gaped as his friend' gleefully produced the laptop! (Dun dun DUUUUN!)

"I got Claws here to retrieve it from your room."

"Who's this Claws'?"

Duo gestured to the little remote controlled car thing that he had manoeuvred to steal Heero's laptop.

"I see. Give it back. NOW."

"Oh, I'll give it back," came the bubbly reply, "right after you do a few chores for me, the first of which involves bringing the TV up here!"

Heero looked at Duo, to his laptop, to Duo, to his laptop, to Duo, to his laptop, to Duo, to his laptop, to-

"Hm, I wonder what kind of websites you've been visiting lately? I mean, Trowa mentioned he saw you surfing porno sites, but I'm not sure I believe him maybe I should check your history-"

"Alright, I'll get your goddamned television!" With that, Heero was gone. Duo giggled to himself, stretching out in bed and putting his hands behind his head.

"I could get used to this"

_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_~*~_

~What's going to happen to Heero now that Duo is holding his laptop hostage? What kind of effects will all that alcohol have on a boy who is plastered after a single rum ball? Will Heero actually be IN CHARACTER next time around? Stay tuned for chapter 4.2 of 'The Pink Shirt Files'!~


	5. Chapter 4.2- What To Do With A Drunken Q...

**THE PINK SHIRT FILES**

****

**CHAPTER 4.2 WHAT TO DO WITH A DRUNKEN QUATRE**

****

AN: Hey guys! Here's the second part of chapter four! I've got a few other fics swimming around in my head I want to type up sometime, plus this is the SECOND fic I've put on ff.net all day! I'm obsessed! Ah well, I'm back at school tomorrow so *dies* the next chapter might be a while. Well, enjoy!

_~*~_

12:33 PM

"Quatre, get down from there! Wufei cried to the drunken Sandrock pilot, who was currently swinging from a chandelier in the dining room, canister in hand.

"My pal alcohol!" Came the slurred reply between fits of giggles.

"" (Just put the drink down and get off the chandelier before anyone gets hurt.) Trowa coaxed, as though trying to approach either an untamed beast or a mad man (both of which Quatre seemed to be an interesting combination of in his current state).

"Wheee!" Quatre squealed, before losing his grip on the light fitting and plummeting twelve feet to the floor. Trowa and Wufei ran to see if he was alright, but he quickly righted himself, and started running in the opposite direction. Not taking into account that there was a wall in his way. The other two pilots looked on in horror as he ran on all fours in circles around the room (occasionally running head-first into walls), before they decided upon a course of action- running out of the room at top speed and locking the double doors behind them. (Thankfully, there was only one exit.)

"Alright, I bought you the television, VCR, DVD player, Playstation AND console, now give me back my laptop!!" A rather irate Heero Yuy scowled at the smirking God of Death.

"Mmmmmmmmmm nah." Came the reply, as Duo stretched out in his bed. The perfect soldier glared. "Not until you get me a fruit cocktail, a bag of chips, pretzels, Tim Tams, two chocolate milkshakes, some noodles and an ice cream with some thingies in it."

"THEN you'll give me my laptop back?" Heero growled, eye twitching.

"Only if there's lots of thingies in the ice cream."

"Thingies?'"

"Yeah, you know- smooshed up biscuits, chocolate sprinkles, cherries yummy stuff!"

The Wing pilot muttered something about death threats and braided bakas as he left the room to fetch the requested items.

1:10 PM.

"" (Great plan, Wufei.) Trowa muttered, as they guarded the door to the dining room.

"Hey, it was your booze that did this!" Came the angry reply. Both pilots listened to the maniacal giggling and constant thumping noises that echoed from behind the doors (which the two pilots were leaning against to keep Quatre from breaking out).

"What's with all the racket?!" Heero grumbled, making his way over to his two comrades on his way back from the nearby kitchen. He was struggling to hold all the food that Duo had ordered him to get, and it seemed his arms would buckle at any given moment.

"Trowa got Quatre drunk." Wufei grumbled.

"! !" (I did not! It was your idea!)

"Alright, alright." Heero sighed, letting his bounty fall from his arms in order to put his hands down his Spandex. Wufei and Trowa shrank back in disgust.

"Please, Yuy, wait until you get to your bedroom!" Nataku's worshipper pleaded as 01 groped, prodded and generally searched his oh-so-tight shorts.

"A-ha, found it!" He finally said, pulling out a big, shiny bazooka out of aforementioned oh-so-tight shorts.

"?" (What the hell is that?) Trowa asked, raising a hidden eyebrow. Heero said nothing, but shoved the two puzzled pilots away from the door, and opened it. Almost immediately, a bruised, drooling, messy-haired Quatre was in his face.

"Mission accepted."

"Where is Heero with my munchies already?!" Duo mumbled to himself, flipping through the 100, 876 channels that were available on cable. None of them took his fancy. Just then, Shinigami heard a loud commotion coming from downstairs (not to mention various squawks, squeals and Japanese cussing). Considering he was starting to feel a little better after the aspirin he had taken earlier (the marvels of AC technology), he decided to go and investigate.

1:01 PM

Heero finally had Quatre cornered. There was no way he could escape. Lining up the end of the bazooka, he eased back on the trigger and fired. Wufei and Trowa gasped in horror as the blonde fell to the ground in a heap.

"..!" (Heero! Why did you shoot him?!) Trowa cried in disbelief, running to his fallen friend.

"He he was so young." Wufei said, with big, watery chibi eyes. "HE NEVER EVEN GOT TO CALL SOMEONE AN ONNA OR STAB SOMEONE WITH A KATANA! IT'S SO UNFAIR!!"

"Don't get your gi in a knot, Wufei, it was only a tranquilliser." Heero said, replacing his bazooka back in his Spandex. "Give him two hours and he'll be fine. Throwing up all over the place with a mother of a hangover, but fine."

"HEY! Where's my munchies?!" Duo cried, marching into the dining room after being lost in the mansion for at least half an hour. His eyes quickly caught sight of the sleeping 04. "Hey, who killed Quatre?"

", " (He's not dead, he's just asleep.) Trowa pointed out.

"Oh. Okay." Pause. "Can we throw stuff at him?"

"NO!" Wufei and Heero commented at the same time.

". , " (Well, it might be kind of fun-)

"NO!"

"" (Fine. Ignore the clown. Some people)

2:57 PM

Whilst Trowa and Duo assigned themselves to, as they put it, keep an eye on the blonde' (you just know this is gonna turn out bad, right?), Heero snuck into Duo's bedroom. Cautiously, he found the little machine that Duo had built that had stolen his laptop. Ever so discreetly, he pulled a plumbing wrench out of his Spandex and smashed the thing into itty-bitty pieces, before running off with his laptop to look up pornogr- I mean, missions on the internet.

Wufei busied himself with his chosen chore to help in Quatre's lessons in masculinity (almost forgotten about that, hadn't ya? ^_~)- rearranging the décor within the mansion. After all, frills and fluffy ducks were *SO* unmanly. To help, Heero, Trowa and Duo had all given him lists of how they personally wanted various rooms in the mansion to look . To assist with this task, Wufei had enlisted the help of the Maguanacs. 

"Alright," he ordered to the group of Maguanacs in front of him and pointing to various groups of them, "I want you guys to take the bedrooms, you to take the living rooms, you, you and you to look after the study and the library, and the rest of you take whatever's left." The group saluted, then dashed off to their assigned posts. "Oh, and one more thing." Everyone paused to look at Wufei- a dark look spread across his features and his dark, ebony eyes glinting in fear. "Whatever you do stay out of the dining room."

4:30 PM

_"Checkmate." Quatre declared, knocking his opponents pink chess-piece off the pink board they were playing on. Begrudgingly his opponent, a pink camel, admitted defeat. In case you can't tell, we're in Quatre's dream again (and this time, it's alcohol induced!). _

__

_All of a sudden, the pink camel started to change shape. Quatre looked on in both shock and curiosity as the animal finally assumed the shape of_

_"Oh no." 04 commented, his head falling into his hands in dispair._

_"That's right," Lady Une announced, "I'm here in your dream. And I'm naked."_

_"Why me?!" The boy cried, feeling a nosebleed coming on._

_"Hey! I'll have you know that most guys would be overjoyed to have me in their dreams!" The OZ official snapped, before getting a crafty look on her face. "Especially Treize. Ooo, I could sharpen his sword aaaaaaall day!"_

_*SPLASH!*_

_"Ugh! Quatre, you idiot!" She growled, now covered in blood._

_"Sorry." Came the hesitant reply, as Quatre tilted his head back and held a hanky to his nose._

_"Alright, I'm just going to get this over and done with so I can go back to plotting against you guys." The brunette said, sitting up straight (which allowed Quatre to even more of a view than before). "I, like Noin, am here representing your feminine side. This whole masculinity thing you're going through? There's something you should know about it."_

*THWAP!*

_"Something that could change your idea about-"_

*THWAP!*

_"-becoming more man-"_

*THWAP!*

_"ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT!" Lady Une suddenly snapped. Quatre shrunk back as she leant forward over him (keeping in mind she's in her birthday suit). "I'm not going to try and talk any sense into you when those guys keep doing that!"_

*THWAP!*

_"Ugh! I'm out of here! Maybe if I hurry I can still get into Treize's dream."_

_"No, wait!" Quatre cried, desperate to hear what Une had been trying to tell him._

*THWAP!*

*THWAP!*

*THWAP!*

"Uhhh huh?" Quatre groggily stirred out of his sleep, only to find himself being thwapped by various breadrolls. His gaze shifted to Trowa and Duo, who were standing over him, throwing aforementioned food at him.

"Hey, he's awake!" Duo gasped, dropping his breadroll mid-throw.

"!!!" (RUN!!!) Trowa squawked. Before you could say pissed off Arabian rich guy', the pair was gone. Quatre was about to start chasing them, when the full effects of what he had drunk came crashing down on him like a tonne of bricks. Overcome by a wave of illness, he fell into unconsciousness, unaware of the eyeshadow and lipstick that Duo and Trowa had put all over his face.

9:57 PM

When Quatre came to, he found himself lying in his king-sized bed. He was relieved to find that he was feeling a lot better (Heero had slipped him one of those spiffy AC aspirins that work in seconds).But as he looked around, he realised there was something different about the place. For one, all the cute plushies he had had around the place had been replaced by statues of dragons and katanas.

"Ugh how did I get into Wufei's room?" He asked to himself, not expecting an answer.

"You're not in my room." A voice beside him, obviously 05 himself, replied. He was sitting in a chair next to Quatre's bed.

"Huh? Then how come there's all those dragons and swords around?"

Wufei's eye twitched.

"They're not swords, Winner, they're KATANAS!!!" 

Quatre sweatdropped.

"Besides which, this IS your room."

"What?"

"I had the Maguanacs remodel the whole mansion so as to rid it of all that feminine air that was hanging over the place like a cloud of Nepalm."

"WHAT?!!!"

"Well," Wufei leaned back in his chair, "Duo, Heero and Trowa helped a little."

" Let me guess. YOU," He pointed to Wufei, "re-designed my bedroom?"

The Chinese pilot nodded enthusiastically. Quatre sighed.

"I guess I'd better check out the rest of the damage."

10:30 PM

Quatre tried to remain calm as he observed what tastes the other pilots had inflicted upon the mansion. The library, study and bathrooms were clean. Too clean- everything was painted beige, arranged neatly, and was encased in plastic (even the toilet). Everything was perfect to a startling and disturbing degree- obviously Heero's work. 

A lot of the hallways and miscellaneous rooms were decorated with clown's masks, circus equipment (Quatre bonked his head on an overhanging set of trapeze in the middle of the recreation room), and various animals such as lions and elephants roaming around the place. At least Trowa had been kind enough to leave some of the frills and poofy décor alone- though most of this was because it was included in the show pony's costume.

All the bedrooms (save for any of the Gundam pilots rooms', and only if the occupants had been conscious at the time) had been turned into places that resembled Ancient China- there was even a mini Great Wall about a foot high that separated all ensuits from the bed area. Perfect for tripping on. Wufei was very proud of his work (though, let's face it, when isn't he?).

Quatre was now in the living room, surrounded by his fellow pilots. The black living room. Black carpet, black curtains, black walls

"Duo, did you design the living room?" He asked. The braided pilot nodded happily. 

"Do you like the stained-glass windows and the scythes? Ooo, what about all the candles, do ya like them?"

The scared little Sandrock pilot stared at the mantelpiece.

"Are those REAL skulls?"

"Nah," Duo replied, "real ones were too expensive. I ended up getting plaster ones from Hardware House. Nifty, ne?"

"" (Nice job with the bats and cobwebs.) 03, ever the animal lover commented. Quatre shivered. 

"Oh, and by the way," Wufei added, "we didn't get to do the dining room because well you know, so we're leaving that for another day."

"Are you saying the dining room's still untouched?"

The other four pilots nodded in unison. With newfound hope, Quatre dashed into the dining room like a bat out of Hell (with some of aforementioned animals trying to follow him from the living room), and barricaded himself in. 

Quatre spent that night sleeping in the dining room.

With a confused shrug, all the pilots decided to turn in for the night. It had been a long day and they were all exhausted, resulting in them falling asleep as soon as their head hit the pillow.

1:45 AM

A dark figure stealthily made its way into the kitchen and approached the refrigerator. Its face was lit up by the little light that came on when it opened the door of the device, and groped around for something to satisfy its hunger.

"Aw man, still out of pocky." It grumbled. "Just as long as I don't eat another one of those purple bananas though- that was gross! However this fuzzy purple apple doesn't look too bad"

"Hold it right there." 

Duo was startled when the kitchen light was flicked on, revealing a gun-wielding Heero.

"Hey, Hee-man! What's up? Were you coming for a midnight snack too?"

"No," came the non-chalet reply. "I came to stop you from eating any more mouldy food. As long as I'm here, that mouldy apple will never see your stomach."

"MOULDY?!" Duo looked from the apple, to Heero. This was followed by a sudden glomping of the Japanese pilot. "Oh Heero, you saved me from eating another disgustingly over-ripe piece of fruit! How can I ever thank you?"

"How about you try not getting sick? After all, if you hadn't have eaten that purple banana you would never have been sick, would never have made that strange machine that stole my laptop, would never have been able to blackmail me and would never have been able to have an opportunity to find out that I look up pornogr- uh, I mean secret missions on the internet."

"Heero? Is that a sweatdrop?"

"No, I, uh I've been out in the rain and my hair is wet. That's all."

"Oh, okay then. Well, I'm not hungry anymore, so I'm going back to bed. G'night!"

As Heero watched Duo make his way back upstairs, he wondered if the braided boy would ever realise that it wasn't raining outside. Shrugging, he went back upstairs and pulled out his laptop for some late night pornogr- I mean, reading of missions.

~We're halfway through the fic! Will Quatre be able to find his manliness by the time this thing is set to finish? Will Duo ever get over being Goth? (I hope not! ^_^) Is it just me or are these chapters getting longer and longer, and was this the worst one yet? Stay tuned for the next episode of DragonBall Zeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Uh, I mean The Pink Shirt Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiles'!~


End file.
